Life is like the wheels of a bicycle.

Things have been crazy.
Stress abounds.

Yesterday, the cycle began to turn around.
I was offered a position at a company I'd be courting for a few weeks. Seems I did a good job selling myself, the offer was good enough for me to not feel the need to negotiate.

The pilot will need to change his location soon.

Now, how do you resign from someone that you consider a friend?

P38Pilot
N21 19.190' W157 51.734'
(accurate to within 91ft)

A New hut?

We've been waiting. Planning and plotting. Anxiously anticipating.
Now we're there.
Today we were offered a new house, two in fact. Even with six months of running contingency plans and scenarios, we're unsure of which house to purchase.
The amounts are staggering, and completely impossible to deal with, considering that we we're dead broke not three years ago.
How's $345.68/sq. ft. for the larger house?
or $357.46/ sq. ft. for the smaller house?
We only paid $240.72/ sq. ft. for our current abode. And we plan on selling for $447.04/ sq. ft. Nice.

Fraging scary to be sure.

We should know for sure latter on this afternoon.
Add this to a "Plan B" in the works with an undetermined compensation package...
Folks are coming in three weeks to stay with us.
Still have not worked out some major details on my November Epic.

I'm a stress ball.

P38Pilot
N21 19.190' W157 51.734'
(accurate to within 91ft)

Confronted with a loss.

Confronted with a loss.
I first met Portnoy in late September or early October of 2000. Of course, I didn't know his name then, that was to happen a few days later. I couldn't shake my mind of his face for the rest of the day. Our second meeting was later that same night. Mysterious forces at work, to be sure.

There was a connection right away. I just can't explain it. This is where most people would, though they've stated that they can't explain it, try anyway. It's beyond. I'd either insult you or prove myself daft in the attempt. There was a connection. Deal with it.

No one knew how sick he really was. Though I have a gut feeling that he did. We went to the clinic. When Dr. Sosumi called me the following day, I was devastated. How could something like this happen to a pure soul like his? Fsking wrong, is all it is. When I think about it, it makes me doubt that there's any justice or balance in this world. The doc told me that we were looking at a year, give or take. Immune deficiency. Treatment limited. Risks immense. Fsking wrong.

That one-year anniversary, of what was supposed to be his death passed, without celebration or remark. We all knew it was a matter of time, and there was a fear that by speaking the devils name, you summon him. We didn't speak of it until almost 3 years had passed.

In April of 2004, I walked into the room to find him crumpled on the floor, listless and drooling profusely. There was no warning, no complaints, just the sudden attack. I rushed him the Hospital. Massive infection in his teeth. In his weakened condition, the infection just overwhelmed his system. Eleven teeth needed to be removed.
This was a very bad turn of events. If he was on borrowed time before, this was the second mortgage.

In June of 2005, the true descent began. Repeated trips to the Hospital. Steroids. Antibiotics. He would lose his appetite and become dehydrated. We'd bring him back to the Hospital to get saline injections. He'd be ok for a week or two, then it would cycle back down. Each time, getting a little worse. On the next trip the doc found Lymphosarcoma. A form of Leukemia. The treatment, chemotherapy was just as likely to cure him as to kill him.

We went ahead with the treatment.
It was a stopgap to prevent his death for just a bit longer. Nothing more. The chemo was to run five weeks.
He made it two.
Portnoy entered my life late September of 2000, and departed 2005-09-06.
I'm changed from knowing him. And changed again from the loosing of him.

I'm angry. This isn't a part of the cycle of life. I watched him waste away, and there was nothing I could do about it. This wasn't a consequence of poor choices, or karma completing the cycle. It's out of sync. Wrong.
There's a fury in me that I have no one to channel at. There's no "one" to be angry at.

There are days, this is one of them, where I wonder at the 'reason' of things. The point.
Usually, I find it.
Today it is hidden from me.
I’m hurt, angry and lonely.
The connection to him has been closed on his side by his death, yet is still open and bleeding on mine.
It’s of little consolation that the pain that he bore for all this time is now gone as well. That pain was never his. And though I couldn’t take it from him, I seem to have my share now.

I walk forward looking of the good that will set this right.
Something that will close the hole that Portnoy’s absence.
Balance.
Today, everything seems to be sliding. Evil is on one side, and hope doesn’t carry the weight it once did.
Fsking wrong.


P38Pilot
N21 19.190' W157 51.734'
(accurate to within 91ft)

The price of ignorance.

The previous post talks about a bit of a flood...
My warehouse is located on the ground floor beneath a monsterous warehouse that has been vacant for close to 2 years. Apparently, there's been a bit of neglect to the fire supression systems..

Sometime prior to 8pm a fire sprinkler main burst in the upstairs warehouse. Security heard the fire alarm around 8pm and called the Security Big Boss, and was instructed to wait to see if the alarm would go off. (Who the hell trains these people?).
Just after 9pm an employee of the tenant two suites down heard dripping. Upon investigation, he saw the water dripping from the ceiling and called that businesses owner. The owner called the 'emergency contact number' for the landlord and got a recording. 15 minutes later and several calls unaswered, he called the landlords main office. He was greated with someone who did not know the location of our building. (Who the hell trains these people?) One the location of the building was established, the phones lit up.
All of the tenants were called, and finally, the FIRE DEPARTMENT.

Water was gushing from a 4 inch pipe for at least two hours.

Estimated damages to my business alone exceed 57 thousand dollars.
Not including man hours to clean and to account for all the damages.
Lost sales have not been figured into this either.

Who pays the price for ignorance?

P38Pilot
N21 19.190' W157 51.734'
(accurate to within 91ft)

Fate's not done with me.

In the previous post.. I said "Palpable feeling of doom".
Got home tonight, cooked dinner, watched a rerun of CSI and the new NUMB3RS.
Right before the end of NUMB3RS, I get a call from the property manager at work. There's been a fire sprinkler main burst in the warehouse above us.

Sprinklers again.

That was at just before 10pm. It's 02:01 the following morning.
I've been on 'bucket brigade' for the last 3 hours.

Life in not fair.
I want my lemonade.


P38Pilot
N21 19.190' W157 51.734'
(accurate to within 91ft)

Lemonade

Yesterday was a dark day.
Numerous "salmon days" at work. I was on the receiving end of a bit of "seagull management" on top of that.
Palpable feeling of doom.
Traffic caused us to decide to stay in town until later (blowing my plans out the door). When we got home at around 10:30, the sprinklers for the back back lawn were still going. From 7. Not knowing anything about sprinkler systems in general, I proceeded to press most of the buttons on the sprinkler controller. Starting in a methodical manner. Each change on the control box was followed by a walk around the house to see if the sprinklers were still on. Back to the box...press some more buttons.. walk back around the house. Turning the control box o the "off" position failed to turn off the sprinklers.. WTF?!?! Is the term "off" used differently in landscaping lingo? After about an hour of making changes on the box and walking around to the back to find the sprinklers still on, I was ready to kill something. I reprogrammed the control box. All 6 pumps were turned OFF. All of the watering times for each of the 6 pumps were turned OFF. I even changed the date. (Figured I fiddled with everything else, what the hell?)
The damn sprinklers were still going.
It's now 11:45. I've had a shit day. (I'd planned to go for a bit of a bike ride too.) I'm filthy from messing with the sprinkler controls and every walk around the house to see if the sprinklers were still on took my rage to a new level.
Frustrated beyond rational thought, I decide to turn off the water to the whole house.
The grass has wedged the cement cap on tight.
I'm now in a complete blind rage. This is how people get murdered, they mess with people when they're in this state. I've taken off my shirt because I'm sweating furiously, standing in the front yard tearing clumps of grass out by the fist-full. Savagely. I jam the handle of a set of pliers into the hole in the cement cap and wedge it in there tight and yank with both mud covered grassy hands. It barely pops free. Slightly relieved, though no less calm or rational, to find out that the valve does not require some special took to operate, I crank the valve closed.
One more trip around the house thinking "I swear to god that if the sprinklers are still on I'm going to kill everyone".

The sprinklers were off. (at least some of the laws of physics are working)

I walk into the house and use my elbow to turn on the water in the sink.
Nothing.
I swear the room just faded to white.

I really can't remember the last time I'd been that furious. In retrospect, it sounds comical.

Stepping back, it's just a bunch of things adding up and I don't really have an outlet.
My Cat's sick and the Doc has no idea what's wrong.
My 180 HDD is dead. And all the data with it.
My job has turned from something that I looked forward to, to something that causes me to blog on company time.
I'm totally broke (partially because my job pays next to nothing - it was a labor of love to begin with)
I'm averaging 3.5 hours of sleep a night.
All I want to do is go ride - and unless I want ride in the dark, which I'm less than fond of in my area.

Maybe today wont be another dark day. (I'm not holding my breath)

P38Pilot
N21 19.190' W157 51.734'
(accurate to within 91ft)

The meaning of life?

The aim of life is self-development. To realize one's nature perfectly - that is what each of us is here for.
-- Oscar Wilde

Well, that's a bit easier than I was expecting.

P38Pilot
N21 19.190' W157 51.734'
(accurate to within 91ft)

Retaliation Against Stupidity

The following was my e-mail response to the chain e-mail concerning the US Postal Services re-issuance of a Islamic Stamp in 2003. I've added the original email as well (I have this nasty habit of archiving everything)


Original email:
Date: 2/20/03 3:32 PM
RE: BOYCOTT this US Postal stamp when purchasing your stamps at the post office.
REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of Pan Am Flight 103. REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the World Trade Center in 1993. REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the Marine Barracks in Lebanon. REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the military Barracks in Saudi Arabia. REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the American Embassies in Africa. REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the US COLE. REMEMBER the MUSLIM attack on the World Trade Center on 9/11/01. REMEMBER the MUSLIM attack on the Pentagon on 9/11/01. REMEMBER all the AMERICAN lives that were lost in those vicious MUSLIM attacks. Now the United States Postal Service REMEMBERS and HONORS the MUSLIMS with a commemorative first class postage stamp. I strongly urge you to REMEMBER to adamantly and vocally BOYCOTT this stamp when purchasing your stamps at the post office. To use this stamp would be a slap in the face to all those AMERICANS who died at the hands of those whom this stamp honors. I also strongly urge you to pass this along to every Patriotic American you know, whether by e-mail or otherwise.
End Original email

Begin reponse email
REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of Pan Am Flight 103!
There is NO mention of Muslim connections or motives in the indictment of the two Libyans responsible for this. Modern thought places these two in league with the Hizbullah. Keep reading.
http://www.geocities.com/CapitolHill/5260/indict.html
TERROR is not a religion.

REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the World Trade Center in 1993!
Ramzi Yousef, the convicted TERRORIST responsible for the February 26th attack as been linked to Iraqi intelligence. Remember our nutso pal there, Saddam Hussein? There is a very persuasive case to be made that Ramzi Yousef conspiracy to take down the WTC in 1993 (and unleash Cyanide gas on the survivors) was Hussein's revenge for the Gulf War. In fact, the bomb went off on the second anniversary of the ending of the Gulf War.
Looks like this is a revenge issue.


REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the Marine barracks in Lebanon!
Hizbullah, a radical shia group founded in Lebanon has been indicted in the attack against the U.S. Marine barracks in Lebanon, as well as the bombing of the embassy in Beirut. This is a TERRORIST organization that uses religion as a recruitment platform. Not the nation of Islam attacking America, a wacko radical splinter group who's sole interest is removing outside influence from there lands. BTW, there are backed and funded by Iran and Syria.
A TERRORIST group.

REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the military barracks in Saudi Arabia!
Hizballah was indicted in this as well.


REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the American Embassies in Africa!
Muslims did this. All 1,300,000,000 of them. Holy shit! Of course not. This was our old buddy bin Laden, who is also know to have conducted the bombings of the US Embassies in Nairobi, Kenya and Dar Es Salaam, Tanzania, on 7 August that killed at least 301 persons and injured more than 5,000 others. He claims to have shot down US helicopters and killed US servicemen in Somalia in 1993 and to have conducted three bombings targeted against the US troop presence in Aden, Yemen in December 1992. He and his ilk are linked to plans for attempted terrorist operations, including the assassination of the Pope during his visit to Manila in late1994; simultaneous bombings of the US and Israeli Embassies in Manila and other Asian capitals in late 1994; the midair bombing of a dozen US trans-Pacific flights in 1995; and a plan to kill President Clinton during a visit to the Philippines in early 1995. It was estimated in 1999 that his group numbered about 3000, though he has influence and helps to fund any group that has the same goal.


REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the USS COLE!
See above. Our good ol' buddy bin Laden.


REMEMBER the MUSLIM attack on the Twin Towers on 9/11/2001!
See above. Our good ol' buddy bin Laden.

By using the term "Muslim" you are stating that 1.3 BILIION people are responsible for the acts of the TERRORIST groups listed above. A recent census of suspected militant Islamic groups notes the number at less than 100 thousands all told. Persecution of the second largest religion in the world based on the actions of .007% of their population seems a little extreme. if not a bit ignorant.
Just because I think that Jerry Falwell might possibly be the stupidest man in America for his remarks that the Islamic prophet Mohamed was a “terrorist”. Don’t get me started about his moronic comments about him ‘outing’ Tinky Winky! And Falwell told Oral Robertson and the world (on national TV less than 48 hours after the 9-11 tragedy) that “God is upset that America has become too sinful, so last week in retaliation, the Lord lifted his veil of protection that previously kept the nation safe, and that's why the suicide attacks were successful.” Millions of people beleive this. This is incredibly frightning to me. Speaking of Oral Roberts;
"On January 4, 1987, Roberts launched his most notable campaign to date. Roberts told his followers that if he did not raise a total of 8 million dollars by March, God was going to take his life...Comparing himelf to the apostle Paul, Roberts begged not to let Satan defeat him. 'God' he says, 'clearly told me he needs me here on earth. And here's why, because of all the ministries, this ministry is the only one God has on this earth that owns a medical school.'...Some time later, Oral's son, Richard, took pen in hand to warn of his father's impending doom. Without 'the additional $4,500.000.' explains Richard, 'God will not extend Dad's life.' He then pleads, 'Partner, we cannot let this man of God die. There is no reason for him to die.' ...After sternnly warning, 'IF YOU NEGLECT TO PAY ATTENTION...Then Satan will take advantage and hit you with bad things and you will wish that 1985 had never come,' Roberts closed his letter with a hard sell. Sending a seed-faith gift will not only enable you to 'STOP SATAN IN HIS HATE TO BRING YOU DOWN,' it will also 'help you get your hundredfold return.'(Hank Hanegraaff, "Christianity in Crisis" page 196-198)

This guy's picture should be listed in the Wikipedia entry for Thief or maybe Idiot! This guy is either very cunning, or very stupid.

By the same reasoning used with the term Muslim earlier, I make the following case. Jerry Falwell and Oral Roberts, self-labeled Christian leaders have proven that they are both idiots (or thieves), therefore all Christians are idiots (or thieves). Ouch! Hurts don’t it. That’s exactly the logic that went into the e-mail on “Muslims”. But, I'm not doing anything different than the e-mail did.. take some small examples and expand those upon a social group indescriminately.
Now...
Think about the Crusades. Go pull out your Bible and read John 8:7.

Pay attention to what you read. Don’t punish the masses for the actions or beliefs of the few.

The U.S. Postal Service is perhaps trying to make a point. There are close to 5.5 million Muslims in the United States. Are we to crucify them as well? Hell, they’re Muslims right? Aren’t they responsible for the bombing of the Twin Towers?

Now you know better. (or do you just beleive everything you read)
End response email

Parting shot... Terrorists don't surf.

P-38Pilot
N21 19.001' W158 1.386'
(accurate to within 10ft)
Position verified by 6 Sats.

Intent vs. Impact

Perhaps one of the most difficult things about inter human communication is the delta between what your intent versus your impact. I often find myself forgetting to look at what I said in comparison to what I meant. When I do have the social conscience to do so, I'm often surprised by the difference.
With written word, I have the time, and often the awareness, to look at what I'm trying to say. In IM and chat room conversations, I seem to have a grasp on this, so why is it that in face to face communication I'm oblivious?
Now before I get to down on myself, I notice this more often when I'm truly listening to someone talk. This morning, our office manager said to a client "Well, if they left the selling to me.. but that's beside the point." Yes, he said this to a customer. No I have no idea what the hell he was thinking, nor what his intent was. We we discussed it this morning, he failed to recognize the difference between what he said, and what he meant(whatever that was). Attempts to bridge the gap were futile. And it's not that this individual is an idiot, in fact he's well educated and has considerable skills in the financial market. He's just missing that part of the brain that checks to see that the words used match the intended message

-P38Pilot
N21 19.190'
W157 51.734'
(accurate to within 91ft)

Relative Intelligence

No, this is not about the intelligence of my relatives.. that would take more time than I have at the moment.

Is it true, that in any large group of people, if you look around, half the people are of below average intelligence?

That doesn't seem to hold true when I'm in my car on the freeway. Or in line at the grocery store. Or at the mall around the holidays. There seems to be a lot of talk about common sense too. If it's so common, why don't we see more of it? I'm not even that sure that common sense if a good thing. I mean, common sense tells us that the world is flat. Now, I is not my intention to insult and Flat-Earthers, but come on... guys, it's round.

Some days, I look around, and ask myself what the hell I'm doing on this bass-ackwards planet..

Today is one of those days.
Look around you... half of those people are below average.

-P38Pilot
N21 19.190'
W157 51.734'
(accurate to within 91ft)